What's in a name?

I was named 'Patricia' after Queen Victoria's grandaughter - Princess Patricia of Connaught. My dad must have thought he'd give me a bit of a head start in the 'class' department. Perhaps this is how he hoped I'd turn out.

Unfortunately, along with the elocution lessons, it didn't really work and I turned out more of a...

....only with longer hair! I hated the name 'Patricia' passionately. Names go in cycles and we can often roughly date a person's age by their christian name. (I fear there will be an awful lot of middle-age Kylies and Keanus at some point, all cursing their parents.) 'Patricia' is a 1940s name and I certainly wasn't born in the 1940s! This was also a bone of contention when I berated my poor dad for my christian name. But absolutely worst of all, I was never actually called Patricia! From day one I was known as...I can barely bring myself to write it down...PAT!!! Can you imagine calling a baby 'PAT'??? Even one with an excessive amount of chubby folds. No offense to any Pats reading this, but I hated it. Pat rhymed with fat, mat, rat, tat...school was not pleasant. Then at the age of 10 I had an epiphany! I discovered Pattie Boyd.

If a fairy godmother could have granted me one wish, it would have been that I would look like Pattie Boyd. I thought she was the most beautiful girl on earth and, not only that, she eventually married my favourite Beatle, George Harrison. That was it! I dropped the 'e' and told the world that from now on I was known as 'Patti' Little did I think of how I might feel about that at middle-age. Because, at ten years old, middle-age was a zillion years away, wasn't it? Now, yet again, I find myself hating it with a passion. It didn't help that I married someone with the surname 'Bright' For the last ***** years I've lived with a name that wouldn't look out of place on a doll at ToysRus!

However, I am assured it could be much worse. My O.H great grandmother appeared to have remarried at some point to a Mr Pink! Had my O.H grandfather taken his mother's new married name, I would now be PATTI PINK!!! WELL, NO I WOULDN'T. Even if my O.H had the looks of an Adonis, the voice of Owen Wilson (my favourite) and the money of Bernie ecclestone, I would not have married him with the surname PINK! When I lived in Texas, I became friends with a girl who also hated her name and was dying to change it. We lost touch and a few years later she popped up on the local television channel with an entirely different christian name and an exotic one at that. I always thought it was impossible to change a christian name but since then several people I know have changed theirs. I wish I had done that! My favourite name is my mothers - Kate. I researched my family history and there's a whole bunch of 'Kate's so why in gods name I ended up with Patricia, I'll never know. Is it possible to change? Well, y'know. I'm thinking about it. For a couple of people in the know, I have already assumed this identity in a certain area. So watch this space - there might be a Kate popping up somewhere near you.