The holidays are over - thank goodness!

During December 2011 I longed for the xmas holidays. We were so busy - cleaning carpets in hotels & homes, spring cleaning houses so they were nice for visitors or just because they were going on the property market, rushing home and cleaning offices and then all in between this madness working on our new online business. It was crazy and how we got through it all without having a nervous breakdown I'll never know. I suppose what kept us going was the tantalising thought that come xmas eve we could down tools and R-E-L-A-X.

I had it all planned. I was going to spend the entire day in my pyjamas, eat my own body weight (ahem, that's rather a lot) in Roses chocolates, and drape myself across the sofa whilst watching endless television.

I yearned for this wonderful break from work. I dreamt of these few days when we were going to do -- absolutely nothing.

By eleven o'clock Xmas morning I had decided that being in PJs all day was slightly stupid especially when I had to go out into the garden to pick up after my dogs. (Pyjama wearing woman spotted in garden with a pooper scooper!)

By three o'clock in the afternoon I was sick of the sight of Roses chocolates and by seven o'clock I was sitting, crossly, on the sofa telling anyone that would listen that TV was not like it was in my day when on xmas day we actually had television programmes worth watching!

Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special!

By Boxing day I was at my computer, hoping some other bored souls would be buying from our online shop and by the bank holiday Monday if anyone had asked me to clean out their oven or scrub their bathroom, I'd have jumped at the chance.


I guess what I really need is to get away to somewhere fun and interesting over the holidays because being a couch potato doesn't do it for me.

So next xmas - God willing - I'm going to find somewhere nice to go. Any suggestions?

How I'm dealing with my Nuisance Phone Calls

'Hellooo,' squeaked an oriental voice on the crackling phone line. 'Can I speak to Meeeseees Patreeeeca Briiiight, pleeese?'

'Who are you?'

'Pleeease, must speak to Meeseeees...'

'She's not here,' I interrupted abruptly. 'She's in prison - for murder.'

'When will Meeeses Patreeeca be in?'

'Twenty years.' I replied, slamming down the receiver.

For some reason for the past few months I have been bombarded with telephone calls from a certain company. Every single day there is at least two calls from a woman that sounds either Chinese or Japanese and a man with an Asian accent. They both work for a company called 'Consumer Lifestyle' and they are both doing a 'survey'. I have told them not to ring me again. I have been nice and I have even been rude - most unlike me. But they will not give up and seeing as I HAVE to answer the phone for business reasons, I have resorted to saying the most bizarre thing that pops into my head, hence me telling them I couldn't answer the phone because I was serving time for murder :)

I have also told them I'm unavailable because I'm currently on a space mission to Mars/rowing around the world with Prince Charles/climbing Everest with Owen Wilson and painting the Eiffel Tower pink. It doesn't faze them one bit. They don't even act surprised when I come out with it. They just ask when Meeeeseeses Patreeeeca is going to be in!

They call - every single day without fail and it's really annoying me.

I think I made a huge mistake about a year ago when, because I was so fed up with people calling, I actually did a telephone survey with one of these companys and now I must be on some list somewhere!

The survey I did was bizarre to say the least. Each question had multiple choice answers which were: A)Definitely B)Maybe C)Would think about it

A snippet of the survery went like this:

Woman: Are you considering blinds for your conservatory? Definitely, maybe or would think about it?

Me: No.

Woman: There isn't a no. It has to be one of the three choices.

Me: But I don't want blinds.

Woman: But you have to choose. It's the rule.

Me: Why isn't there a no?

Woman: Please choose one of the three.

Me: Oh well...what's the least choice?

Woman: I'll put you down for would think about it.

After completing the survey I was then bombarded with phone calls from various companies.

'Hello. You have expressed an interest in having double glazing.'

ME: 'No. I haven't.'

'Ah. But you did a survey and said you were interested in double-glazing.'

ME: Yes, but I wasn't REALLY interested. I just had to choose the least one.'

'Well, we've got you down as interested. One our our reps is in the area...'

ME: 'For crying out loud I've already got xxxxx double-glazing!!!!'

If it wasn't double-glazing it was conservatory blinds, garden landscaping, life insurance, pet insurance, mobile phones, computers, television - you name it they called.

I was asked to sponsor leopards, tigers, donkeys, guide dogs for the blind and half of the children in the third world. It wouldn't have surprised me if I'd been asked to give money to the Eurozone crisis! ('Hello, we understand you are interested in helping Greece with their debts???)

And now I have the terrible twins calling me daily. No matter what I say, they still call religiously. I googled 'Consumer Lifestyles' and apparently they are bothering a lot of people, judging by the irate postings on various forums!

So, now I wait for their next call. What shall I say to them next time?

Suggestions, anyone???

Dogs must be kept on a lead...so you think your dog is the exception???

Please tell me, people. What is not to understand about that sign?

You are walking across a field, where although sheep are not currently present judging by the sheep poo everywhere, clearly they occupy the field on a regular basis. Plus there's a blooming great big sign telling you your dog should be on a lead!

Obviously some people think it doesn't apply to them because this morning, very early, we took our little dogs for a walk. We go early so as to avoid coming in contact with other dogs because our dogs are so small and lately there has been some horror stories of small dogs being killed by larger ones.

we entered a field that runs alongside the river, dogs are allowed here if they are on a lead and there is a big sign saying just that 'dogs must be on a lead' No problem for us, we never let our dogs off their leads. But in the distance we saw a man walking in the far field and he has a dog running wild and free. We kept a close watch on the dog and decided to leave the field and walk across the old bridge. The dog, a sheepdog, soon caught us up. His owner still walking nonchalantly along some way behind.

The sheepdog bounded up to one of our dogs and nipped it. It probably just wanted to play but immediately I shouted at my husband to pick our dog up. This made the sheepdog react. He threw himself at my husband, biting his arm and his leg. He clearly wanted him to put down our little dog. We tried to get away from him by leading our dogs behind an old, disused toilet block but the sheepdog followed. All the while trying to bite our dogs. We shouted at the dog and we shouted at the owner - who still wasn't bothered. We tried walking away, we tried standing perfectly still but the sheepdog kept attacking us and in particular my husband who was being bitten by the dog as it jumped up at him. My husband tried putting our dog on the ground hoping the sheepdog would lose interest, but that just made our little dog immediately flattened himself on the floor in terror because the sheepdog starting nipping him again.

My husband, trying to keep the sheepdog at bay, yelled at the owner to get his dog under control. The owner now woke up to the fact we were in trouble! He tried but his dog wasn't listening, he just kept on throwing himself at my husband trying to get our dog out of his arms.

Eventually, the dog ran back in the field and the owner managed to get him on his lead.

'Didn't you see the sign?' my husband asked him.

His reply, for some reason, was to tell my husband to 'shut-up.'

It all ended all right - this time. The owner eventually apologised. But we were really shaken and our dog is now traumatised.

My husband said: 'It was awful. I've read of owners and pets being attacked so many time in the paper and suddenly I was one of them.'

So, please, please. If you are thinking of getting a dog and you want to go for walks get a big dog, one that can stand up for itself if it gets attacked. And if you have a big dog, please keep it under control. Under the Dogs (Protection of Livestock Act 1953) and the Dogs Act 1871 you have a responsibility to keep your animal under control. Your dog could be put down, even shot by a farmer if caught worrying animals.

I think it will be awhile before I go out dog walking again!

Turning Japanese...I really think so

A few months ago my son introduced me to the NHK channel - Japan Broadcasting Corporation which broadcasts in English and Japanese and thus began my love affair with all things Japanese.

There are two really good shows.

'Begin Japanology'

Japanese people manage to make an art form out of absolutely everything and as for practicality? I'd visit Japan just to go to the toilet! They have the most innovative, thoughtful (yes, thoughtful, their public toilets play music to cover embarrassing noises) and practical toilets in the world. But I digress, because the other programme I'm hooked on is:

Your Japanese Kitchen

This cookery programme is brilliant and has got me trying out recipes which can be found on the NHK Channel web site.

But we're often stuck for ingredients - where to buy them? I can hardly walk into the local co-op and asked for Dashi stock. Blimey, you're lucky to get an oxo cube in there!

And then my son found an online Japanese food store called The Japanese Kitchen and we were like kids in a sweet shop. We even ordered chopsticks!

Sake, Mirin and Shoya Soya sauce

Dashi stock

We even bought sweets! Which were...interesting.


I wish we didn't live in the middle of nowhere because I'd love to go to a real Japanese restaurant and I'd love to visit Japan. I've just watched Idiot Abroad and Karl Pilkington bought a little gadget to pick up crisps out of the packet to save your hands getting all greasy, as they do. See? Practicality! I think I'd go absolutely crazy over there and come home with a suitcaseful of gadgets!

Anyway, I'm off to make some Japanese pancakes now, anyone want to join me?

Rude People

I am never rude to people. Even when customers have been nasty to me or unfair or just down right obnoxious, I don't retaliate. I may go home and kick the fridge, stand in the middle of my garden and scream a lot of expletives or bash out my feelings on my blog but I am never, EVER rude to them.

But today I could have quite cheerfully pinned my customer to the floor and called him every name under the sun. For too many years than I like to think about, we have stoically stuck at out cleaning business. Turning up for work when we're clearly not well, dropping everything to help customers out, being punctual, honest, trustworthy and generally given our all. So when one tells us we don't do a proper job and have a bad attitude, I am shocked because it is clearly not true and we've twenty-four years worth of very happy customers to back me up on that!

This person was obnoxious to the extreme. A bully. A nit picker and one of the rudeness people I have ever met. SO rude that we did something we have never done in all our years of working, we walked out of the job before finishing and before being paid. It was that bad.

And it now makes me want to go and live on a remote little island where I don't have to deal with anyone because lately I've noticed that people in general are getting more and more aggressive.

You have only got to go out in your car to know that. People don't so much as give you a nod of thanks when you give way to them.

In the supermarket people push in or ram their trollies into you if you are in the way. It's a me, me, me society whereby people only care for themselves. There is no respect for others.

If I thought someone wasn't doing a job as well as I expected, I wouldn't be nasty. I'd just politely talk to them about it. But this obnoxious individual seemed to think that by being a bully we would immediately kowtow to him. We were working in his establishment and when he saw us he didn't even greet us, his immediate reaction was to start telling us off. Well, when you don't have your carpets cleaned for years and years and years and some of them are so caked in grease you can't see the pattern, can you honestly expect them to come brand new? Even though we were doing a really good job, it wasn't good enough for him and I suspect it was all a ruse to get out of paying us.

So we walked and that's a first and I am heartily sick of cleaning up for people. I had been having a lull in my writing, feeling I wasn't getting anywhere so what was the point? But today's experience has made me realise that I am too good to be the slave of nasty, rude people who just think my husband and I are thick cleaners who can be spoken to like dirt.

The worm has finally turned. I'm not putting up with rude people anymore. Next one that does it - watch out!

The Killing - Forbrydelsen

I've never really thought much about Denmark or Danish people except to say I've always hated their intensive pig farming, which is downright cruel.

But I've just finished watching the first series of the absolutely brilliant and totally compelling Danish thriller - The Killing or 'Forbrydelsen' Suddenly I can almost forgive (but not quite) the pig farming.

For me, this brilliant television series ranks alongside The Wire and Generation Kill.

Thank you BBC 4 - long may you reign - for bringing this superb series to us. And yes, it's with sub titles but that makes it even better because you don't miss one word of the script.


I loved the brilliant writing, moody cinematography, superb acting and soundtrack that subtly wrapped itself around each scene. I loved that every twist and turn of the story sent you scurrying down paths only to find you were without resolution yet again. I loved that it kept you guessing until the very end as you watched with anticipation every thread of the story weave itself together.

I loved Lars Mikkelsen as Troels Hartmann, the tall, smouldering politician whose election campaign becomes embroiled in a murder investigation.

But most of all, I loved Sofie Grabol as DCI Sarah Lund for the fact that she managed to make unkempt hair scraped back in a ponytail, no makeup, old jeans and flat shoes look cool.

I shall be adopting the Scandi scruffy look from now on...

Vegetarian, vegan or freegan?

Yesterday I skidded across the patio decking like a lorry hitting a patch of ice (not that I am the size of a lorry, I hasten to add - well, not since I gave up sugary things, that is.)

'That's odd,' I thought, as I hit the railings that prevented me from going head first into the garden below. Odd because my husband had gone to great pains to paint the deck with anti-slip paint which, apparently, is supposed to stop you slipping and ending up on your backside when the deck gets wet. Something I am prone to do, with or without the assistance of alcohol. I looked down to see why I had taken off across the deck like a speed skater. I had slipped on a slug. A very dead slug since I'd pretty much smeared it across the deck a bit like you spread butter on bread.

I felt so, so bad. I know they eat up my plants and look pretty vile, but well, God must have created them for something and it's not like they can help the way they look. By the way, I have to tell you, hedgehogs don't like slugs and only eat them if they are starving. Slugs can also kill hedgehogs, they get lung worms from them. Just thought I ought to mention that...

So, back to the slug. You see, I won't kill anything. Wasps (even though their sting can send me to hospital) spiders (even though I'm absolutely terrified of them) Craneflies aka daddy longlegs (even though they'd definitely be in my room 101)

I feel I have no right to take the life of anything and I go out of my way to give any insect a safe passage to where ever its going (even though it's usually accompanied with a soundtrack of me screaming like a banshee - quite honestly they are probably glad to leg it!)

I also love animals.

I won't drink milk because I hate the way some dairy cows and their calves are treated, especially male calves.

If I eat an egg, very rarely, it has to be from a hen that has a happy life.

I hate battery hen farms and don't eat chicken because I can't stand how they are killed.

It breaks my heart to think of how short a life a lamb has.

So, if I care so much about all of God's creatures - big and small - why can't I commit to becoming a vegetarian, like my husband who has been one for decades?

This is why - bacon.

My reluctance to become a vegetarian can best be described by what happened to me last week. I had gone into town to run some errands. My car was parked in the town's square. As I walked from the bank to the post office to the newsagent, a smell of fried bacon wafted through the narrow streets. I finished my errands and started walking back to my car. My mind was, as usual, elsewhere. Five minutes later I stopped and realised I wasn't walking back to my car I was subconsciously following the smell of bacon and had walked to the door of a cafe!

If I see a bacon butty I have the ability to completely block my mind to the fact that I know some pigs are treated abominably. Living their short lives in pens so small they can't even turn around. Yet, waft fried bacon in front of my nose and I forget all about that. And I hate myself for it.I have tried vegetarian bacon, my husband says it's better than nothing. But it just tastes like smoky bacon crisps.

My diet is 99.9% vegetarian. I live on tofu, only drink soya milk and even my yogurts are made from soya. In fact I'm probably closer to being a vegan that my husband, who still eats cheese and drinks milk.

This is a vegan burger.

I find vegan recipes really interesting. My favourite cook book is Vegan with a Vengeance and I love making vegan cupcakes because they are so interesting to construct.

And yet bacon is the undoing of me! Why, oh why can't I give it up?

Perhaps I should take comfort from Ghandi, who despite promising his mother he would not eat meat or eggs and was practically a vegan himself, could not bring himself to give up cows milk, saying it was the tradegy of his life that he could not give it up.

At least I'm in good company...

My son says we should all become freegans (anti-consumerist lifestyle whereby people employ alternative living strategies - thank you Wikipedia) or to put it in plain English 'bin scavengers' Apparently, there's tons of very good food chucked out every day. One fella found a whole bin bag of cider, 150 chickens, steaks and cheese in a bin behind a supermarket.

So, if you'll excuse me - I'm just off to have a nosey round the back of the Co-op!