Never say never

In my last blog I ranted and raved (a little) about a job I was offered cleaning a particularly horrible house. Oh I was so never doing THAT kind of work again. Well, sometimes you just have to eat your words because life doesn't always turn out as you hope it will.

I did the job, well, I have started it anyway. It's huge. It's vile. It's just the last thing on earth I want to do right now. I have neither the will nor the energy but nevertheless I must battle on because I need the money. And I need the money because my better half is not working right now due to an eye operation. So bills need paying, car needs taxing and food needs to be on the table.

It began on Monday. It was so overwhelming I didn't sleep the night before wondering if I could actually do the job on my own. But I got stuck in and gave it a go, starting on the kitchen. To give you an idea how hard it was, it took an hour just to shift the grease off the cooker hood. Walls were covered in thick mold. Cupboard tops inches deep in dust. Everything liberally caked in thick black gunk. Years of dirt and neglect.

After hours of work, during which I battled through filth that made me gag and encountered several massive spiders - of which I am truly terrified - I finished the kitchen. Today I worked on the lounge. Shelves pulled out revealed yet more thick black mold and cobwebs as thick as blankets. Sofa and chairs moved for the first time in decades unearthing mountains of dirt and detritus. And so now two rooms are clean.

The occupants have problems - health and otherwise - so cleaning has been put on hold till next week when I will deal with the daddy of them all - the worst bathroom I have EVER encountered in twenty years of running my own cleaning business. I fear I will need breathing apparatus to even enter the room such is the stench coming from it.

I feel demoralised and degraded yet strangely satisfied. The doctor visited the householder today and remarked on the cleanliness of the kitchen and lounge and that was a reward in itself. To think that I have helped someone who through no fault of their own has become overwhelmed with the daily chores of life and found themselves unable to cope. One day that may be me - who knows?

Why me?

'Hello. It's (name with held to protect friend but why I should I don't know)Do you still clean houses?'
'Oh. Hi. No not really. Giving it up. Going to be a mega-star author.' (didn't say the last bit - was thinking it)
'I clean a house for someone once a week, but it's really filthy and it needs a good clean. Can you do it?'
'Me? Why don't you do it?'
'It's too much for me?'
'But it's not too much for me, then?'
'Well, it needs a really good clean.'
'What do you do when you go there?'
'Just wash up and wipe the kitchen sink.'
'How long are you there?'
'An hour a day.'
'It takes you an hour to wash up and wipe the sink? How many people live in the house?'
'Two.'
'Do a lot of cooking, do they?'
'No. Anyway. I can't do it. It's hard work. Can you do it?'
'No.'
'Why not?'
'Because if it's too much for you then it's going to be too much for me, too.'
'That's disappointing.'
'Sorry.'
'Are you sure you can't do it?'
'No.'
'Well gotta go.'
'Oh, so you're not staying to chat?'
'Something on the stove.'
'How convenient.'
'Bye.'

Point is: I know the house in question. I've seen cleaner cow sheds. It's abominable. The only thing that would clean the toilet would have to be something nuclear. It absolutely annoys me when people think I'm a) prepared to clean up anything. b) have the strength of an ox. They just see a filthy hole of a house and think what idiot can we get to clean it? And then get on the phone to me. Well. Take Note. Those days are over.